Cleanse my what?

"Cleanse your colon"

I've been getting these weird emails every day for two weeks!

What the eff? Is this a drug, some sort of heavy duty, super duper enema? (I delete them immediately without opening them, so I really don't even know what they're touting.) Secondly, how the hell do these people know that my colon needs cleansing?? Creepy.

And now for some "Whiney Wednesday:"

I have just learned that tuition at my kids' ridiculously expensive school has gone up AGAIN. This time it went up about $2,400 EACH, AND we are required to purchase Apple laptops to the school's specification. Grrrrr! I'm pissed off. Actually, I feel more sick than pissed. I just don't know how I can keep this up.

I was already paying about $30K per year for the two of them to go to school. Now it's going to be about $35k. And this is for tuition only; this doesn't count the summer-spring uniforms or the winter uniforms (which are different), nor the school supplies which they supply (for uniformity), but which we are billed for, nor many other charges throughout the year. I'm being taken advantage of (translation: FUCKED IN THE ASS) because I have intelligent kids and I live in a big city whose public school system is SHIT. I really have no choice. 4 more years for my woman-child and *gulp* 9 more years for my man cub.

Suck it up, AtlantaMom.

My always kind and thoughtful Dad would say "Buck up," to which I always retorted (in my mind only, of course!) "shut the fuck up." It rhymed and it made me feel better.

Ok Wednesday Whine over.

The man cub got his first "shiner" yesterday at baseball practice. The ONE practice I missed! I felt so guilty learning that he had been hurt and I wasn't there to comfort him...The fact that I couldn't have done anything means nothing, of course. I had to pick up the dog from daycare, which made me late, so I decided to skip that practice and instead work on a yummy dinner. I was shocked and dismayed when he walked in with a big red lump just under his right eye. The ice pack came far too late; it will be purple by tonight or tomorrow morning.

Later I realized it was a sort of right of passage and told him the story about my first shiner, also from a baseball. As I recalled, I was playing with the neighborhood kids and my dad was pitching (the father unit actually being there was the real shocker). I was up to hit and he threw a wild one that beaned me in the eye. I also recall that my mom was pissed that I had to walk around with a black eye for a week. Ah, well.

I took a picture for the boy's scrapbook. :-)

And I wear my sunglasses at night
so I can,
so I can
forget my name while you collect your claim.
And I wear my sunglasses at night
so I can,
so I can
see the light that’s right before my eyes.

Sunglasses At Night - Corey Hart
(remember that one?)

Happy as a hamster on a workout wheel

I think I've finally hammered out a pattern of workouts.

Much as I hate to admit it, the blasted elliptical is quite the machine. In fact, I've become obsessed with it, and I want one for myself! I'm loathe to use the machine at work, but until I can scrape up $4,500 to get the same model I can use for free at work, I'll just have to suck it up.

I've decided that I am willing to be a hamster for a little while each day if it gives me the results I'm seeing (and feeling)! In fact, I've incorporated the machine into my fitness life and plan to continue to use it at least 4 times per week - always on my lunch break - and keep my running schedule after work on the days that I'm able.

It's a nice change from only running, and the change is beneficial in other ways - different muscles are worked and it keeps my metabolism and cardiovascular fitness "on its toes," so to speak.

*Bowed head* So there it is. I must admit defeat and shamefully also admit that I am in fact a hamster. ("I am hamster. Hear me squeak.")

My body has missed daily, strenuous exercise. I suppose that because I worked out so vigorously and almost daily from the time I was a child with dance, aerobics, then martial arts, that my body just NEEDS that to function normally. Since I added daily workouts back into my life I feel different. Better. More like myself - the younger me. I feel like a veil has lifted.

Is this "happy?" or is this just not stressed? Because I'm pretty sure I've been happy. But I'm not positive. How does one know when one is happy? There are no happiness measures that I'm aware of. I would venture to guess that in order to truly understand and feel happiness, one must truly understand and have felt sadness, hopelessness, despair. And if that is indeed the case, then I am certainly qualified to state if and when I am happy.

At any rate, my athletic rebirth (or is it a regression?) has been as effective as shooting up any of today's popular SSRIs. Who needs synthetic antidepressants when we are all equipped with endorphins?!

You used to think that it was so easy.
You used to say that it was so easy,
but you’re tryin’,
you’re tryin’ now.
Another year and then you’ll be happy.
Just one more year and then you’ll be happy.
But you’re cryin’,
you’re cryin’ now.

Baker Street – Gerry Rafferty

For the love of a pet

At 8:30 a.m. on this lovely, lazy Saturday morning I received a call from my mother. Sobbing uncontrollably, she managed to let me know that her baby (the dog) had just passed away in her arms. Apparently they learned yesterday that she was bleeding internally and must be let go. Their veterinarian came to the house this morning to quietly allow her to pass away. My mother called while my father was burying her.

While I'm not close to my parents, hearing my mother's pain through the telephone line touched something in me and I began to cry.

I remembered going through the same pain not long ago with my own favorite dog. It was the single most gut-wrenching event I've experienced. She died with her head in my lap, my tears falling on her nose as I softly stroked her head and told over and over what a good girl she was. I'll never forget that day.

November 16, 2006. It was "the day the sky cried." I made that drive to the veterinary office, trying to watch the road through my tears. My long-time friend and protector was in the back seat, taking her last ride in the car. As I drove, the sky opened up. It rained and rained that day, matching my own torrent of tears.

It took my children and me quite a long time to get over the death of our beloved dog. Her absence left a gaping hole in our lives that wasn't filled until we picked out a new puppy together. This new puppy love gave us the ability to finally let go of the pain and loss....

Time really does heal wounds. I know that in time my mother will be ready for a new wriggling, warm bundle of playfullness.

And so today I will think fondly of the very loved and spoiled Rottweiler - the dog who captured all the love and affection from my mother that I only dreamed of. Rest well, sweet girl.

The homeless gal appeared again today (I snapped a picture with my phone as she walked back up the street). She stood right by my car holding up her sign. She looked at me. I couldn't look at her and not give her anything, but I don't have any money. I didn't even have a dollar! I rolled my window down and dumped out what change I had in my wallet - all .63 of it - and handed it to her, apologizing for having no cash. I won't be visiting the vending machine today for lunch, but that's ok - my missing lunch surely doesn't mean I'm going to starve. I'm the idiot who can't seem to remember to BRING LUNCH to work.

After the dinner I had last night, I could do with skipping a whole DAY of eating - if not two days! It was a gluttonous feast. And besides, I'll be working out during my lunch break, so I won't even miss not eating today. I've had to resort to hamster life this week due to rain a few times and after-work baseball practices.

I worked for two days on a special dinner for my Valentine (I made the dessert and appetizers ahead of time). I'm pretty pleased with the way it turned out. Our menu was as follows:

Appetizer: seafood (crab and shrimp) stuffed avacados
Salad: bleu cheese salad (romaine hearts, toasted almonds, egg, bleu cheese)
Entree: filet mignon with balsalmic and red wine glaze, rosemary red potatoes and asparagus with an onion-wine glaze and sprinkling of parmesan cheese.
Dessert: chocolate truffle cheesecake

Hubby supplied the champagne and red wine.

After the kids went to bed hubby and I had our dessert (he had 2 pieces of cheesecake) and watched 3 episodes of I Love Lucy.

I have a very good life.

Stop and smell the roses!

It was a busy morning in my household.

I awoke at 4:00 a.m. to the sound of snoring. Unable to get back to sleep, despite repeated poking and prodding and moaning and groaning and shaking of the bed, I grabbed my pillows in a huff and stomped downstairs to the couch, where I fitfully slept until 6:30. Too late!

I rushed upstairs to get ready for the day, get Valentine's Day candies separated by family member, cards signed, workout clothes and clean towel stashed.

I rushed downstairs to the kitchen, a bag in each hand, doled out goodies to kiddies and hubby, sent the man cub to the basement to feed the cats and the fish, and was ready to rush out to the car (so much rushing!!). I grabbed my vitamins and coffee and was about to run out the door when I suddenly realized that I was being stared at. My husband and daughter were standing there with a "well?" look on their faces. "What?" I kept repeating. He and the woman-child only grinned. "What?" And finally, FINALLY, I saw. Right in front of me, and I mean right in front of my face, was an absolutely beautiful bouquet of a dozen roses - pink and lavendar, and another dozen stood in the middle of the kitchen table!

I dropped the bags and stopped - to smell the roses....

Yer it!

I got tagged or meme-d by mini.
The topic is 7 random or weird things about yourself.

Since pretty much everything about me is weird, it might take me some time for me to narrow it down to only 7!

1. I have 2 tattoos; only one of which is visible, and I hide that one every day because I have to play the part of a professional in a professional setting. (I sit on the other one, which is a yellow smiley face).

2. I once had my navel pierced (I took it out when I was pregnant) and my nose pierced. The nose piercing almost got me disinherited. but the parents never knew about the navel piercing. Such things are expected from people “on the other side of the tracks,” not from someone from “a good family.” Both piercings are long gone. No scar was left on my nose, but I can see one on my navel – a reminder of my feeble attempt at rebelling.

3. I’ve battled with disordered eating since I was in college because my entire family is obsessed with being thin. I learned it from my mother, who at 60 is a size 2.

4. I have all 55 Nancy Drew books in the original series. I’ve read them all multiple times. Nancy Drew was my heroine because she was the only smart, pretty, cool female who had the same un-cool color of hair as I did.

5. I hide my naked body from my husband because I’m so modest and ashamed of my body. I don't know why I'm this modest, but it's painful. I even get dressed in the closet in our bathroom sometimes.

6. I can’t go an hour without Carmex on my lips. I call it “lip crack,” and I’ve been known to wander the house for hours searching for it. I can’t sleep without it slathered on my lips. I have stashes all over – in my car, my purse, at work, in my bedside table and in my bathroom. I won’t let my kids use it because I’m scared they too will become a slave to lip crack.

7. I am mostly ambidextrous; while I can’t write very neatly with my left hand, I can do just about everything else with it.

I don’t really know 7 bloggers, but I can tag the ones I do trade stories with. And since I can’t re-tag the blogger who tagged me, that’s one less now... and so I tag only 4. While there are other blogs I read, I don’t necessarily trade comments with them yet.

Shanna
IronMary
Crumbs
Jessica

The rules are as follows:
# Link to the person who tagged you
# Post the rules on your blog.
# Share seven random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog.
# Tag seven random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
# Leave a comment on their blogs so that they know they have been tagged.

Just the facts, ma'am

How do you tell your husband, best friend, lover that his ever-increasing stomach worries you - and not hurt his feelings?

Does one say it matter-of-factly? Nonchalantly? Does one hint around? Casually leave health reports about weight and diabetes, heart disease, hypertension, etc. lying about?

When I met my husband he had been jogging several times weekly for a time. He was slim and taut and had no love handles. I don't know what happened. Five years later, he NEVER exercises, he smokes too much, drinks heavily, and can stuff more food into his mouth in one sitting than I ever thought humanly possible.

I don't know what to do to help him, inspire him, push him. If I casually bring up his lack of exercise, or ask about when HE plans to run/walk/exercise, his response is "We'll get there." Whah? He says the same thing about quitting smoking.... "We'll get there." All that really means is "I'm too lazy and I don't care enough to change anything."

I love this man more than I have ever loved another person (other than my children), but I'm afraid of what he is doing to his body, what he is letting himself become.

In the meantime, I will keep on keepin' on. I am on a mission from which I cannot be deterred. Not for anything. Not for anyone. This one is for me.

Twenty-five years ago
they spoke out
and they broke out
of recession and oppression
and together they toked
and they folked out
with guitars around a bonfire
just singin' and clappin'
Man, what the hell happened?
Guess some were spell bound,
some were hell bound,
Some they fell down,
and some got back up
and fought back 'gainst the melt down.
And their kids were hippie chicks
or hypocrites
because fashion is smashin'
the true meaning of it.
So don't delay, act now!
Supplies are running out!
Allow, if you're still alive,
six to eight years to arrive.
And if you follow, there may be a tomorrow.
But if the offer's shun,
you might as well be walking on the sun.

Walkin' on the Sun - Smash Mouth