Black Tie

May 10 is a black tie ball I am attending with husband. I haven't been to a black tie event in AGES so I'm pretty excited.

Husband and I went shopping to pick out my dress and shoes and his tux (I know it's different, but my husband actually enjoys shopping with me). I tried on about 10 gowns, and both of us had one favorite - the same one, actually - a long black Calvin Klein halter. I LOVE it. It suits me perfectly - no "fru fru," no frills - just an elegant black dress. Calvin Klein is one of my favorite designers because of this. And husband actually saw the perfect shoes before I did (black snakeskin heels). I could try on only one shoe, of course. That was pretty amusing.

I'm scheduled for follow up xrays and check up on the ankle on May 8 - that's 2 days before the big event. I hate to tell my dr. this, but there is NO WAY IN HELL that I'm wearing this boot to that black tie event!!

What in the effffffff?

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*********
Yesterday the boss informed me that he supposed he was from the branch of his family that was decended from "a horny old man" who had possibly fathered children well into his 70s. I hate to repeat myself, but WHAT IN THE EFFFFFFFFFFFF???

Another thing I hate is playing dumb. I am sick to death of pretending I don't get his innuendos or COMPLETELY inappropriate topics of discussion or comments.

To explain how the subject even came about would take a great deal of explaining, but it started with a comment from me about DNA testing to determine paternity for girls/women, after which he argued against my statement, citing some half information regarding the X chromosome and Y chromosomes and stating definitively (because he knows everything) that paternity can only be traced on the male side. I calmly refuted his statement and forwarded him numerous cases in which paternity had indeed been determined regarding father/daughter relationship. The main case I cited was that of Anna Nicole Smith's motherless baby. From there the conversation took a convoluted turn. He was driving the conversation at that point and I was merely an innocent passenger praying for the ride to end quickly and safely.

[incidently, he was forced to admit defeat in that argument. no small feat for a woman up against mr. all-powerful and all-knowing attorney]

Had to share these adorable shoes. Found them the other day at DSW - as close to flip flops as I can get for work and to deal with gimp leg. I must add quickly that DSW is WOW! I walked in and saw tons and tons of really awesome shoes. I started to sweat and breathe hard. I went for one pair of shoes for daughter's ball and left with 3 pairs of shoes for ME and two pairs for her, including the dress shoes as planned. Tsk Tsk Tsk.


Daughter's black tie ball was yesterday. As part of the preparation she and I spent about 3 hours at the hair salon beginning at 10:00 a.m. By 1:00 I was so sick of that place I could puke.

But her hair and brows were perfect.

I saved money and did her nails myself.

Her date (driven by his parents, of course) arrived to pick her up, holding her corsage. It was awfully cute and sweet, but the reality of seeing my little girl so grown up was overwhelming. How does it happen so quickly?

In other news I had my second physical therapy appointment this morning. I've been very cooperative and compliant and have faithfully performed all exercises. Unfortunately I had to admit to her that I had simply forgotten that I'm supposed to ice both knees every day for 6 minutes. I guess if they aren't swollen and painful I don't think about ice ?? Anyway she added two more exercises and taped my knees like she did last week. It's quite an interesting feeling having your kneecaps physically moved from their usual resting place and held in a new place with tape.

Veddy inteddesting indeed.

I'm really really starting to get sick of this stupid air cast now. I'm sick of being slow and cumbersome. I'm sick of being crooked - whether or not I wear shoes; the height of the boot is impossible to match perfectly, leaving me no choice but to walk as though I have a serious physical disability whereby one leg is shorter than the other. What if this affects my natural gait or my hips or my back or or or... And I can't exercise! I'm scared shitless of gaining weight because my physical activity has had to screech to a halt. I'm actually dieting, which I've really never done (other than some diet modifications this year when I began to watch my sodium intake). I'm hating this. I'm really hating this.

DIET = "DIE" + "T"

Forgot to mention....

....that I did in fact wear the boot last night.

I'm such a good girl!

A trip down memory lane

I had a wonderful time with my old friend. We chatted and laughed and drank and reminisced until 10:30 (6 hours)!

He really stroked my ego as well. First he told me that I "look exactly the same," and that 12 years of aging did not show (he really hadn't changed a bit either). Later he admitted that he knew about his layover in Atlanta months ago and had in fact ARRANGED it because he had wanted to see me. He said he didn't tell me about it long ago because he didn't want me to feel any "pressure" and felt that waiting until the last minute to let me know he would be here would be easier for me.

I felt very flattered. I had been so nervous about seeing him again, so worried that the effects of 12 years of aging would change his view of me.

It was so strange sitting with him and talking with him after so many years had passed. We both distinctly remembered when we first met. It was our senior year in high school. I was 16. He was 17 and was one of our foreign exchange students for that year. 22 years vanished as we talked and I felt 16 again.

Over the years we have managed to reconnect many times. Every year or two one or the other of us emails the other to say hello and try to catch up, though we haven't actually seen each other in 12 years. "We have a connection," he said, which of course I understand and feel as well. I'm not sure what the connection is or what it means, but it is there nonetheless. It's always been there and always will be.

He never married and has no children. He has just turned 40 and is a founding partner in a successful law firm in Belgium.

I am 38, with two children and I'm 4 years into a happy marriage after a miserable few years of marriage in my past. He knows this and understands that I am committed to my husband for as long as we both shall live. But far in the future when we are both old and gray, if we are both alone in life, he believes that we will be together.

Only time will tell.

Until that time, I am happy to be married to my husband. I adore him and would never leave him or hurt him.

The great Oz has spoken

Okay, the great physical therapist has spoken...

"Chondromalacia patella a/k/a Patellofemoral Syndrome."

Got the exercises prescription (there are lots!) and some stretches to do as well - all to be done several times a day at 10 reps each. Also got my knees taped such that both kneecaps are physically moved toward my inner thighs with a very strong tape. It feels odd to be sure, but I feel no pain with knee movements that used to really hurt. Also, and maybe I'm just imagining this part, I feel a cooling sensation beneath the kneecaps when my knees are bent, as though there is maybe an increase in circulation there??

The P.T. was quite nice and helpful and it took her all of 3 minutes to figure out the problem. She believes that my flat feet and horrible pronation have intensified the knee problems and also gave me a list of the type/brand of shoes to get (when I am able to run again).

I'm to see her once per week; next appointment is Monday morning. The orthopaedist actually prescribed twice weekly, but I promised to work hard and diligently on my exercises and she agreed to try me at once weekly.

So yeehaw. I can get the knees squared away.

Now if only the ankle would heal quickly.....

And now to the matter at hand - meeting up with the European ex-boyfriend-turned-attorney. 4:30. I'm nervous AS HELL. I've had butterflies all day long. I started working on my hair last night, though, and it's perfect. I took special pains on the makeup this morning (and brought extra with me), and I'm wearing a nice black pantsuit with "the boot" over the pant leg. Whether or not I'm going to leave the boot on is yet to be determined. I did bring the matching shoe, just in case. My main concern is that I'll be drinking. Likely a good bit. I'm picturing me rushing to the restroom at the place, wearing the heels without the boot, tipsy, and twisting the ankle and possibly making it worse. Sigh.

I need a chill pill.

Can I give the boot the boot for a few hours?

The camping trip was pretty fun. There were approximately 50 people there. It only rained for about an hour on Friday night and I had to resort to covering "the boot" with a huge black garbage bag that was oh, so cute and made such a neat sound with each step.

Saturday morning was spent hiking around the Foxfire Museum, which features a ton of southern appalachian log buildings, most of which had been moved to that area for preservation purposes. It was pretty neat. Hiking was a challenge, but I made it work and took tons of photos.

By Saturday night the woman-child had finally resolved to having a good time and decided to round up all 30-40 boys for games of capture the flag and other such intrigue. She was pissed when I made her go to bed at 10-ish.

I didn't get much sleep either night. The man in the tent to our left snored so loud it sounded like he was sawing a giant sequoia; the man in MY tent snored as loud as he usually does, and the effing whippoorwill in the trees above us tormented me until the sunrise, "whip-poor-will, whip-poor-will, whip-poor-will" all freaking night. And Saturday night proved to be downright freezing. I'm not sure what the temperature dropped to, but it felt like 30s weather. It's really not fun to camp in weather that cold.

In other news, I received an email this morning from a very old flame (c. 1986-1987 senior year high school), with whom I have kept in touch over the years. He was our foreign exchange student, hailing from Belgium. We reconnected when I was in graduate school and my baby girl was a mere toddler and have kept tabs on each other via his "american host family," who just happen to be my parents' best friends (and with whom he has remained extremely close to for the last 21 years since he lived with them). Now that he's all grown up he is an attorney (still in Belgium), and actually founded his own firm several years ago. His email said he is enroute to visit [the host family], and will be stopping over in Atlanta for a day and wanted to meet up. I agreed to meet him for drinks after work tomorrow and via email worked out where that would be (next door to my work and 1 mile from his hotel).

I haven't seen him in about 12 years, so I'm a tad nervous, though looking forward to it. Of course I'll be working on what to wear tomorrow and I'll work hard on my hair tonight and my makeup in the early morning. The last item to work on will be shoe(s). I'm thinking of removing "the boot" just before meeting him so that I won't look so ridiculous, although I have already warned him of the monstrocity.

Is it crazy/stupid to attempt the meeting (and drinking) without the boot? I know I can move very carefully without the boot, and most importantly I need to make a good impression after all these years.....

Given The Boot

Yessiree isn't this a dandy?

Mary, who wondered how/why and said it seemed sudden... It was sudden! I felt a twinge on Monday during mile 4. No problems or twinges before Monday on that ankle in that area that I can recall. Surely I would have felt something if it had been there....Anyway, running through it was not the best idea I've had, though the twinge was notice that the fracture was there already - my running through it only worsened it, so NOT having run through it wouldn't have prevented it. (I'm great at rationalizing!)

Hell, I dunno. I'm so used to ignoring pain (ballet, aerobics, martial arts) that I wouldn't remember even if I had felt something before unless it was a huge pain - like my knees.

I definitely recall the knee pain and swelling, and the decreased range of motion is constant. Hopefully after Wednesday's appointment with a P.T., though, that will work itself out in time - and if the knee problems are solved at about the same time as the ankle then I should be much better for the wear!

(I'm trying to look at it as "the boot is half full" rather than "the boot is half empty)."

It was likely caused by increased speed and mileage (both things I had been working diligently on), a/k/a "too much too soon." yaddah yaddah.

But truthfully, I am nothing but devastated. I feel that this is such a tremendous setback to what I had been working so hard for and toward.

On a lighter note - we're off for a weekend campout a la cubscouts in the Georgia mountains. Rain is forecasted for the weekend and the boot should prove to be a huge pain in the ass, but I'll tie a garbage bag around it and trek on, baybee.

Oh, and ask me how excited my 14-yr-old daughter is to be going "with a bunch of 8 year old boys on a stupid cubscout campout," as she put it....

The Doctor is in

"A stress fracture," he tells me.

Holy SHIT!

I'm confined to a BOOT for 4-6 weeks. This lovely "boot" is black, the size of an elephant, and reaches my knee. Nice. Very Nice. At least black goes with everything, right? Follow up X-rays scheduled for 4 weeks to check progress of healing. Until then, NO RUNNING. NO ELLIPTICAL. My choices for cardio: recumbent bike or swimming.

It was all I could do to keep from bawling in his office. Tears welled up and I had to blink hard to keep them from spilling down my cheeks.

AND

Physical therapy for my knees. The decrease in range of motion is caused by too-tight quadriceps, he thinks, due mostly to muscle memory from the 14 years of ballet. Yep I'm just batting 1000 right now.

The good news: My doc is a triathlete and I know I'm in good and empathetic hands...

Otherwise, though, I am absolutely devastated. Heartbroken. My 4/27 5K is off. My 5/24 5k is off. He thinks I might be able to get back into shape in time for the 7/4 Peachtree Road Race (10k).

Asinine Ankle

What did I do to cause the ankle problem?

Good effing question.

There I was running on the treadmill (Monday), doing well with speed intervals, just beginning mile 4. Monday was to be a longer run since I had taken both weekend days as rest days (with the knowledge that this was to be a hard work week with running); I had planned on 5-6 miles at lunch. Just as mile 4 began, I noticed a twinge on the outer part of my left ankle. Of course I kept running. The twinge quickly got worse. I hadn't twisted my ankle in any way nor rolled over on it. As far as I know or recall (or remember thinking at the time) I hadn't even stepped on it wrong or funny. But the pain kept growing. "I have to run through it," I told myself. "I have to at LEAST hit 5 miles and then I can stop."

As the treadmill read 4.80 miles I absolutely positively HAD to stop. The pain was unbearable, and by that point I was favoring the ankle so much that I was hardly running anymore and putting my knees at risk. As I got off the treadmill I knew something was very wrong - I could hardly walk.

I put ice on it immediately upon returning to my desk and kept the ice up throughout the day and night Monday. I took ibuprofen religiously.

No swelling or bruising Monday.

Yesterday I came to work with it wrapped. I could put weight on it, but not bend it while walking. Bending the ankle without pressure or weight (in other words, while not standing on it) was doable, so I knew it wasn't broken. Only a minute amount of swelling was visible just around the outer ankle bone and still no bruising. I again prayed to the ibuprofen god, asking for relief from pain and the ability to walk.

As I stepped out of bed I knew that today would be no different than yesterday. I'm sporting the adorable Ace bandage and I'm wearing flip flops with my business clothes. There is still no visible bruising and still only a teeny tiny bit of swelling around the ankle bone. It's not a bit better. In fact, it feels worse. If I step "wrong" or in some way put pressure on that foot in the wrong way, the pain becomes a "bringmetomyknees" kind of pain.

And let me just say that I'm no sissy when it comes to pain. I'm tough. I went through labor and childbirth without so much as an ASPIRIN! When I get sick or hurt I "tough it out" and get better on my own. Hell, I've danced an entire performance in pointe shoes with a broken toe and smiled through my tears! But I can't walk, and I CERTAINLY can't run. And because this is day 3 of no running I am beginning to panic. I can't let all my hard work and patience and effort and pain and, and, and.....I can't let all that go.

And so I broke down and make an appointment with an orthopaedist for tomorrow morning (that was the earliest available appointment). I simply MUST get better - and SOON.

A Sprained Ankle

How do ya like that?

Perfect. Juuuuuust perfect.

EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

I forgot to mention this.....

My baby turned 14 yesterday!!

Why does time have to zoom by? Just when I think I can stop to take a breath I realize another year has passed...

FALLING TO PIECES

I feel so discouraged.

There I was, trucking right along, 4 miles were behind me and I had intended on hitting at least 5. Suddenly, the left side of my left ankle began to hurt. Of course I kept running. Just run through it, I kept telling myself. Just run through it. But that ankle kept right on hurting. By the time I hit 5 miles I HAD to stop, for I could no longer run.

I have no idea what I did to the damned ankle.

I hobbled to the shower and while getting dressed and have since returned to my desk. Now I can barely walk. It's not very swollen at the moment, but it hurts like hell if I try to walk at all. I'm using a Zip-Loc baggie (from my lunch) as an ice pack, which I put on the ankle intermittently. Not sure how long to do this, or even if it will help. I also popped 3 ibuprofen.

What is happening to me???????? Is my body going to completely fall apart? This is depressing and discouraging. As soon as one problem improves (knees) another starts up (ankle). I don't know what to do....But if I'm unable to run I'll just die.

I know I whined on Wednesday (my Wednesday Whine posting), but I really must whine once more.

First thing at work this morning, I leave my desk to use the bathroom. (I know, t.m.i., but bear with me). Boss has been out since yesterday morning and wasn't to be in at all today. So there I am using the restroom and my cell phone (in my pocket) begins to ring. Of course I'm not going to talk on my cell phone on the toilet, but I did casually glance at who was calling, to find that the call was coming from the building. Now, we have a paging service, whereby if someone needs you and you aren't at your desk, they can call the reception desk and have you paged (god how I hate being paged). But I hadn't been paged! But there I was being called on my cell phone. So I'm thinking it must be an emergency and I answer it (while sitting on the toilet). It's the boss. "I'm using the restroom," I say, grinding my teeth and biting the back of my tongue. "Good, I'll see you in a minute, then," he responds.

That was first. And that pissed me right off. Where was the fire, you ask? Why, there was no emergency. In fact, I don't even recall what it was he needed.

THEN

I receive a call that some documents I ordered have been delivered and I need to pick them up at the reception desk. So I run right down to get them, and as I'm signing for them the boss calls the receptionist to have me paged. She let him know I was on my way back up and gave me a knowing look.

By now I am positively livid. I arrive at my desk burdened with thousands of cumbersome documents, to which he asks, "What are those?" I'm so mad that I really don't care that he's my boss or how I might sound when I reply, "Boss'sname, I work for other people too." In other words, butt the fuck out and leave me alone and let me do my work. I get another rousing "Good" from him. Again, no fire to put out, and I don't recall that what he had to say to me was of much importance. Certainly nothing that couldn't wait for another minute or two....

He was here only for a few minutes (30-ish) and then left, to take the remainder of the day off. He expected me to be at his beck and call for the short time he was to be here. I am as his indentured servant.

My take is this: I have a price. Everyone has a price. I'll be his effing slave, but what he's paying me is NOT my price.

I'm assuming that this morning just completely screwed my day, because I was having great difficulty today on the treadmill during my lunch break. I just barely hit 5 miles, and it certainly wasn't a cardiovascular problem - I wasn't even really breathing hard. I just hit a wall. I ran out of steam and had no energy to run on...5 miles was truly all I could do.

Sigh. Happy friggin' Friday.

An old butterfly reemerges from a new cocoon

Mon mari et moi n'avons jamais le sexe. Il me rend triste et solitaire.


Regarding yesterday's post, yes, Mr. Know-it-all is quite the jackass. I long for the day that I can tell him so. It will, of course, be my last day to work for him. Thanks for the book title, Mary. I think I might run to Border's this weekend and pick one up - and casually leave it on his desk....

My knees were feeling a bit achy this morning after yesterday's long run, so I decided to give them a rest and go for the elliptical instead. I'm amazed at how quickly the human body can adapt to rigorous exercise. A few months ago it was painful for me to work the elliptical for 45 minutes; it took a great deal of willpower. Now, even at a high resistance, it's child's play. In fact, I had to work hard just to get my heart rate up to a respectable bpm.

Hopefully this adaptation is a sign that the old me, that is, my "old" body is beginning to emerge. I'm beginning to see my "old" legs, though my ass and abs are lagging behind somewhat. I want it, though, and I'll continue to push hard for it. And once I reach that/her/me I will never again take that/her/me for granted.

Scout's honor.

Slithering scary snakes

I dreamt that my family was visiting Thailand. We, along with what seemed to be dozens of others, were wading belly-deep in muddy water. The water was punctured at various spots by tall, thin trees, and I could see many buildings, eateries, businesses, etc. surrounding the water in which we were wading.

As we continued wading, I began to notice that there were big black snakes everywhere. They appeared to be floating atop the water alone or in groups. There were hundreds of them, and some of them looked to be truly huge. I recall that everyone was simply walking around the snakes, nonchalantly dodging them, and that the snakes didn't seem to be lunging at anyone. I was terrified, however, certain that I would walk right into one, causing it to strike me.

Finally we were out of the water and walking up narrow, dirty, rickety stairs, which ended in a small restaurant/cafe of sorts and we sat down to eat.

Odd, no?

So, Dr. Freud, I wonder what your take on this dream might be?


In other news, the results from my 5k are in. *drum roll* I was 38th out of 129 in my age group. Not too great, but hey, I wasn't last - far from it! And I had a truly shitty time, so my results can only improve. I'm planning on another at the end of April and another near the end of May. I have a goal, something to work toward.

I am a woman on a mission.

WEDNESDAY WHINE (it's been a while, so bear with me)
My boss caught the tail end of yesterday's run. (Grrrr) He decided it was appropriate to approach me at my desk later to critique my running form, criticizing me for "running on [my] toes instead of [my] heels." Of course, I actually hit mid-foot, which I half-heartedly attempted to explain.

Well, he argued, his high school running coach (of over 50 years ago - he's almost 70) told him to always strike heel-toe for proper form and maximum efficiency. So that's it, then. That must be the only correct way of running.

I told him that many of the world's best and most elite runners, the kenyans and ethiopians, train barefoot and that barefoot running makes heel-toe strike nearly impossible. It causes one to run more lightly on one's feet, thereby decreasing the shock absorbed by the knees. I told him that I too run barefoot from time to time to help correct my stride, and that since I had changed my running style my knee problems had vanished and my speed had increased.

He replied rather haughtily that he would "be watching the kenyans and ethiopians at the Peachtree Road Race to see what they do." (In 2006, the top 6 places in a row were Kenyans as well as places 9, 12, 13, 15, 18 and 20. No Ethiopians in the top 20 that year. In 2007, places 1, 3, 4, 6, 7, 8 were Kenyans and Ethiopians took places 10, 14 and 15).

So Mr. know-it-all strikes again. I felt instantly angry. I know I shouldn't have been, but I was. I wanted to yell and curse at him and quit my job, just walk right out. Right then.

I want to do that a lot these days......

Apparently 5 years of shit from him is all I can take.

Run, AtlantaMom, run!

I've started a pattern of barefoot running on the treadmill. Half my daily mileage (sometimes more) is run barefoot. I begin shod, but after about 2 miles (though sometimes I can make it 3) my shoes begin to bother my feet, so I toss the shoes to the side and resume running barefoot. The difference in my stride is amazing, and it's lovely to run without pain in my feet from shoes, no feeling of too-tightness and no knee pain. Truly the only pain is from my lower calf muscles. They always know I'm running barefoot, and remind me throughout the day afterwards.

I really have a hard time running more than 5-6 miles on the treadmill. I find it terribly boring. Even breaking up the mileage by mph bores me. I've begun to change it up to help increase my speed. My natural stride seemed to be 5.2 mph and I could run at that speed for miles and miles without even getting winded really. 6.0 mph is more of a push for me and 6.5 mph gets tough after about .25/mile. I fully realize that in order to really perform in a 5k or 10k I need to be hitting 7.5 mph easily. I'm trying to be patient and work up slowly. It's hard. I like to see progress YESTERDAY, but my aging body won't let me push it any harder or faster than I am right now.

Still, I remain dedicated and I run on the treadmill M-F without fail, 3 miles being my minimum. On some of those days I also run after work, depending on how hard I pushed on my lunch break.

Several 5Ks are coming up and I'd like to run at least one per month, with my real goal of the Peachtree Road Race (10k) on July 4. That's a huge one, with thousands of runners and over 150,000 spectators each year.

I need to be running 10+ miles a day, though, to really do any justice to myself and my age group in that race.