Butterflies - in my butt ?

Now that I've got your attention, let me explain.

I have performance anxiety. Stage fright. Always have. I started ballet at the ripe old age of 3, complete with at least one "recital" yearly which included several dances performed on stage, in front of people. Before each one I got ill. Even when I was a semi pro dancer in a ballet company I would become ill before EVERY performance. You'd think that after performing on stage in the neighborhood of 100 times I would get over it.... Yes, you'd think.

In the 9th grade I was on the track team. Guess where I was before every meet. Yep, in the bathroom.

Just as others complain of having butterflies (in their tummies), I too get butterflies, but MY butterflies are aflutter in my butt! I don't know why. I can't explain the sensation any other way, but when the butterflies are flyin' I have to potty.

Not sure why I divulged all that, except to say that I'm nervous as shit (pun intended here) about my 10k on saturday. Not for fear of not finishing. Of course I'll finish. Not for fear of finishing last. Of course I won't finish last. Why, then? Hell if I know. Fear of not performing up to my expectations, I would imagine.

Anyway, I'm as ready as I can be at this moment. Did a short (3 mile) run today at lunch and the next two days are OFF days.

Thanks for thinking of me, Mini. I was thinking of you earlier as I read this and wanted to share....

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articleoprah.aspx?cp-documentid=10274156>1=32023

I've been remiss....

I haven't posted in eons it seems.

I'm here. I'm well. I'm running.

It's taken me so long to climb back up the running ladder. I've had to go so slowly and carefully. But I'm back. I'm really back. I'm finally up to 5-6 miles now and trying to work on speed. For now my speed really sucks, but at least the endurance is up. I'm only up to 9 minute miles right now.*[edited - I'm a dumbass and put 9 miles/hr]* But that will change. I will get there.

I have a 10k on September 20 and a half marathon on November 16. I'm scared. I'm way too competitive to race. What will happen is this: I'll get out there and finish with no problem, but because my speed isn't even REMOTELY competitive yet I will not finish as close to the front of the pack as I'd like and then I'll beat myself up about it. Yep, that's how it will go....

In other news: Today is my 5 year anniversary at work. Oh joy.

But the anniversary comes with an annual review (always stellar), which comes with a bonus, which I will use to buy new glass for my camera. And THAT rocks.