Butterflies - in my butt ?

Now that I've got your attention, let me explain.

I have performance anxiety. Stage fright. Always have. I started ballet at the ripe old age of 3, complete with at least one "recital" yearly which included several dances performed on stage, in front of people. Before each one I got ill. Even when I was a semi pro dancer in a ballet company I would become ill before EVERY performance. You'd think that after performing on stage in the neighborhood of 100 times I would get over it.... Yes, you'd think.

In the 9th grade I was on the track team. Guess where I was before every meet. Yep, in the bathroom.

Just as others complain of having butterflies (in their tummies), I too get butterflies, but MY butterflies are aflutter in my butt! I don't know why. I can't explain the sensation any other way, but when the butterflies are flyin' I have to potty.

Not sure why I divulged all that, except to say that I'm nervous as shit (pun intended here) about my 10k on saturday. Not for fear of not finishing. Of course I'll finish. Not for fear of finishing last. Of course I won't finish last. Why, then? Hell if I know. Fear of not performing up to my expectations, I would imagine.

Anyway, I'm as ready as I can be at this moment. Did a short (3 mile) run today at lunch and the next two days are OFF days.

Thanks for thinking of me, Mini. I was thinking of you earlier as I read this and wanted to share....

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articleoprah.aspx?cp-documentid=10274156>1=32023

I've been remiss....

I haven't posted in eons it seems.

I'm here. I'm well. I'm running.

It's taken me so long to climb back up the running ladder. I've had to go so slowly and carefully. But I'm back. I'm really back. I'm finally up to 5-6 miles now and trying to work on speed. For now my speed really sucks, but at least the endurance is up. I'm only up to 9 minute miles right now.*[edited - I'm a dumbass and put 9 miles/hr]* But that will change. I will get there.

I have a 10k on September 20 and a half marathon on November 16. I'm scared. I'm way too competitive to race. What will happen is this: I'll get out there and finish with no problem, but because my speed isn't even REMOTELY competitive yet I will not finish as close to the front of the pack as I'd like and then I'll beat myself up about it. Yep, that's how it will go....

In other news: Today is my 5 year anniversary at work. Oh joy.

But the anniversary comes with an annual review (always stellar), which comes with a bonus, which I will use to buy new glass for my camera. And THAT rocks.

Truckin'

New goal: half mary 11/16/08.

I'm still being consistent with my new schedule: t, th, sa, su - run; m, w, f - weight training and elliptical.

I feel better. Stronger.

My wings are New Balance 1223s. They rock. Running is much less painful for me now.

Gosh, I almost forgot the most exciting part for me - I've lost weight. It seems to just be melting away slowly but surely, unlike before when I ran every day. Makes no damn sense, but whatever....

New wings

I've been very good at sticking to my exercise schedule: Running T, Th, Sa; weights and elliptical on M, W, F. On Sunday anything goes.

I went through a very interesting fitting for new running shoes. I first stood on a platform which measured balance and arch. Yep, still flat-footed, but I'm perfectly balanced (in stance only, I can assure you). Next I was given a pair of shoes and instructed to hit the treadmill, where I would be filmed running so that my gait and foot strike could be evaluated.

I was mortified at having to run in front of what felt like a billion eyes. I felt my face burning as I had to return to the treadmill again and again to evaluate the different shoes the salesperson brought me. God, do I always run so LOUDly?

But the result was a stellar set of wings. Of course, I paid dearly for the shoes, but if they can help me avoid injury they are worth it. Now, if only someone could come up with shoes that could melt fat asses....

sigh.

It's An Uphill Battle

2 miles today. That's it. 3.2 yesterday.

3 months ago I was running 4-6 miles in my sleep. How quickly things can change!

I'm not in as bad shape as when I first began running, but it's close to starting over for me. Uphill. Both ways.

(and then you die).

A moving experience

I am loving this time off! It's amazing what one extra day can do for my mood, stamina, creativity...

Aside from hiking for 4 miles yesterday, hubby and I also moved several huge pieces of furniture out of the young lady's room (she's at a friend's lakehouse).

Her room is way too small for all the big furniture we had in there and it was my furniture as a child. It was decided (by she and I) that all but a bed and a small bookcase would be removed, to be replaced with more modern, grown up and smaller pieces, i.e. 2 "comfy" chairs and 2 storage ottomans facing the small wall which will house a small flat screen tv (after the first set of grades come in, that is).

Funny how I just glossed over "moving huge pieces of furniture" like that. Actually, we were unable to get the moving truck which our storage facility loans out for free to clients - the damn thing was booked up solid for a week! So we had to move the pieces of furniture (did I mention HUGE?) down a flight of stairs, out the front door, into the back of hubby's SUV (one at a time due to size), to the storage facility, unload, trudge down the huge halls to our storage room, unload, then back again. 4 trips. That doesn't include all the work in her closet. OMFG that girl had some stuff stuffed in that closet......

But it's done. I cried more than once as I went through the visual and physical process of saying goodbye not only to my childhood (all that furniture was mine, remember), but to hers. I had to officially say hello to young lady/woman. Not easy at all.

We're now working on closet solutions for her. I NEVER want to go through what I went through in that closet of hers!

I'm running again.

I'm running again.

It's funny how one's reason(s) for running can change. Before "the boot" I was running from age, from fat, toward health. Now I'm running simply because I can.

I have learned from this injury. No longer will I combine increased mileage with increased speed. While my head, heart and lungs might tell me I can do it, I now know that my body was telling me I couldn't, but I didn't listen.

I tend to be a tad stubborn.

So now I run 2 days, rest 1, run 2, rest 1, etc. And they're easy runs, no real speed involved. It's all about rebuilding my stamina at this point. It's hard. My head (damn, that brain of mine!) tells me to run, run, run. "Run everyday," it says, "or you'll never get back in shape or as trim as you'd like." Ahhh, shaddap and help me figure out the meaning of life...

Anywho...while injured and unable to run, I threw myself into my photography. My wonderful and kind hubby stuck his neck out and bought me the Canon DSLR I had been coveting for a while. (Now if I could only get the choice glass I want...)