Stranger

Sometimes I forget who I am.

I don't mean my name - but my person, my personality, my reason for being. Today is one of those days.

I've worn so many hats, so many masks, for so many people, for so long, I sometimes forget which one is really me. Or are they all parts of me? And if they are all pieces of me, then where is the whole? Who is the whole? And who gets all of me?

Well, we all have a face
that we hide away forever.
And we take them out
and show ourselves
when everyone has gone.
Some are satin,
some are steel.
Some are silk
and some are leather.
They’re the faces of the stranger,
but we love
to try them on.

The Stranger – Billy Joel

I’m a little bit of everything
all rolled into one.
I’m a bitch,
I’m a lover,
I’m a child,
I’m a mother,
I’m a sinner,
I’m a saint,
I do not feel ashamed.
I’m your hell,
I’m your dream,
I’m nothing in between.
You know you wouldn’t want it
any other way.

Bitch - Meredith Brooks


I never give money to panhandlers - we have so many in the city, and it's illegal. But this morning a young woman was panhandling on busy Peachtree Street. She looked dirty and tired and she held a piece of cardboard that had child-like letters scrawled on it, "Homeless and hungry." She walked slowly down the line of cars at the stoplight holding that sign. And there I sat in a Mercedes. I felt guilty. No matter that it's my husband's car, or that I only have $7 to my name until payday. I knew how I must appear driving that car, and I knew that I was on my way to a job, then to a warm and comfortable home where I would put dinner on the table. And so I rolled down the window and handed her one of my seven dollars. It felt good.

My mom used to say that I got a checkmark by my name when I was good and an X by my name when I was bad, presumably from god. I got a lot of Xs back then, according to her. Well, I no longer believe in any one single being called God, but I do believe in karma.

Anyway, maybe I got a checkmark today.