Wednesday, February 6, 2008

No pain, no gain

"If little labour, little are our gains;
Man’s fortunes are according to his pains."

Robert Herrick (1591-1674)


As is usual, and perhaps inevitable, the original has been butchered, but our popular version amounts to the same thing, really. That said, I'm gaining, baybee, I'm gaining. Everything hurts. Ahhh, well at least I can be certain that I'm alive, right?

Yesterday's route du jour was 3 miles. I really pushed that 3 miles such that my pace was about 7 minute miles. Not too shabby, but it won't win me any medals either. That's ok; I'm getting there. Very slowly, but getting there all the same. I suppose I could detour into the slow-but-steady-wins-the-race "Hare vs. the Tortoise" fable, but we all know it, so I'll skip it.

*We are interrupting today's blog to let said blogger bitch*

Ahem

Co-workers.

I have a co-worker whose office is directly next to mine. In fact, we share a wall. She's been here for approximately three years. I loved her to death for the first year or so, but at some point I began to feel some resentment toward her work ethic. That resentment has grown into resentment toward her person for some hideous and completely annoying habits.

First, her timesheet reads "Arrive: 8:30 a.m., Depart: 5:00 p.m." nearly every day. Interestingly, she rarely arrives before 9:30 and almost always leaves at around 4:00. She evidently feels above the laws that be, for whatever reason. She's salaried, so she gets paid for full-time work. That pisses me off. I'm not sure why it's even my business, but I resent it.

Second, she smokes all day every day. "Where's D?" I'm asked constantly. She's always in the smoking area. The woman gets paid to smoke. And that pisses me off too.

Now, to be completely frank and open to myself (for a blog is really a diary, right?), I was a smoker. In fact, I smoked for years. And I have D to thank for my quitting. Let me explain.

About a year or so ago, D reported that she had been diagnosed with lung cancer. She was promptly scheduled for surgery to remove the cancer, which was a success. She then took extended leave to rehabilitate. All was a success. She had dodged a bullet! It was miraculous! And what do you think happened to her smoking habit? Why nothing. She continued as if nothing had happened. That fact made me so sick that I quit right then and there. In the moments after learning that she had resumed smoking after BEATING DEATH I lost all respect for this woman. Suddenly she sickened me. But thanks to her I'm a non-smoker for over a year....

[Yes, all the years of martial arts, aerobics, etc. were done while smoking. And yes, I do know how stupid that was. As my Dad so eloquently put it, "That's like pissing in the wind."]

Further, this woman coughs, gags and snorts all day long. Every day. I don't mean sniffing, either, like with a runny nose. I mean she SNORTS. As in from-the-diaphram snorting. It's the most disgusting sound any one person could make, in my opinion. I'd rather hear the fat guy across the hall fart all day than hear her snorting. Over the last year or so the snorting has increased, such that it's evidently a habit. I liken it to a chinese torture. Just as the little drop of water between the eyes is fairly benign and unpainful at first, but grows and grows until it can kill.....her constant snorting has made me, quite frankly, insane.

- Thanks to Wikipedia for the following on Chinese water torture-

What is called the "Chinese water torture" was a torture described by [the Italian] Hippolytus de Marsiliis in the 16th century that was supposed to drive its victim insane with the stress of water dripping on a part of the forehead for a very long time. It may also be characterized by the inconsistent pattern of water drips. The desire for the human brain to make a pattern of the timing between the drops will also cause eventual insanity to set in.


She frequently calls an hour or more after she is scheduled to have come in, only to say she won't be in. WTF? Who the hell does she think she is, anyway?

Now, the question that begs asking is this: Do I tattle? Is it my business to tell someone? Or do I assume that one day, at some point, her transgressions will come to light without any help from me? If I take the latter route my nose will stay clean and I will not be associated with anything having to do with her demise. On the other hand, If I know about her lies but say nothing, does that make me guilty? Certainly there are many instances where failure to come forth with knowledge makes one guilty.

What to do, what to do....

All you zombies hide your faces
all you people in the street
all you sittin’ in high places
the piece is gonna fall on you

All You Zombies – The Hooters

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Good for you for quitting! My step dad has been in for knee surgery 5 times in the last 4 years. The first two times it was due to faulty parts and a dumbass doctor. The last three times it's because he refuses to quit smoking. No, I don't have doctor's degree proving this fact. But the simple truth of it is, he's slowly killing himself. He's hiding it too which tells me 1.)that he's ashamed of it and too damn stubborn to get help and 2.) That he's terribly selfish - he'll be leaving 3 devastated grandchildren behind. Damn cigarettes!

Also, as usualy you crack me up! That woman who snorts would drive me insane! Ugh! Maybe you should come up with your own annoying "habit" after each of her snorts. Take one of those bells that are found on hotel room front desks and everytime she snorts, ding the bell. LOL Well I doubt that would go over well in the office...but it might get the point across :)

Hmm...to tell or not to tell? Maybe you could psych her out a little. As she's leaving early say something like "oh, is it 5:00 already? Wow! The day sure went by fast..." Or "Wow it'd almost be worth smoking again if only I could take that many breaks" or when she snorts say something like "Jeez, how long have you had that cold? You've got a serious case of the 'sniffles'"

LOL I get myself into trouble by being a wise-cracker.

Crumbs said...

holy shit, 7 min/miles? Hell yeah that will win you medals!

AtlantaMom said...

Not if you're only running 3 miles at a time.... I checked 2007 stats for 5k runners in Atlanta. I can't compete even in my age group (read: not spring chickens). I'm sure that if I could keep to 7 minute miles throughout a marathon I'd do quite nicely, though. :-) It's all relative.