Pfffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttttt

Pfffffttttt. The combination of my mental tirade yesterday and biting my tongue one too many times has created a slow leak. I can almost picture the nasty little trail I'm leaving behind me. Already I feel lighter. I look forward to the day when it has all seeped out, "it" being the crap, the "bad gunky," as Stephen King puts it in Lisey's Story. Yes, one day I'll be positively buoyant!

Until then I'll continue as I am - an effing hypocrite. I have a deep bag I go to from time to time, and reach into it for the appropriate advice. "Don't sweat the small stuff" is one of my favorite sayings. And my references to Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. Every child can related to that one. The girl looked everywhere for happiness, only to find that she had always had the power.... Oh, yes, I am chock full of advice for anyone who will listen -- my husband, kids, friends, family. But for myself.... Well I am sometimes sure that I'm beyond help; I am damaged goods. I've been glued and stitched and repaired so many times that I hardly know what's me anymore. The beautiful and very valuable Meissen loses its value the very first time it's broken and repaired, even if the naked eye can't detect the superglue, and even if the cracks are invisible. The treasure is such only while in pristine condition. Once that's lost it's just pretty trash. But no one else has to know that. It'll be my little secret. I'll take it to my grave.

And so I cry sometimes when I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out, what's in my head
And I, I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning and I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream from the top of my lungs,
WHAT’S GOING ON

What's Going On - 4 Non Blondes

2 days of no running has really hurt. My knees are a mess. I really don't get it. My brain can't grasp why I can run 2 days in a row without a single problem, but on the third suddenly I develop waterballoon knees. I am able to walk without pain today, and my right knee looks completely normal. The left is still a tad squishy, especially at the top, but ever so much better.

I miss my drug - my runner's high.

Last night my husband and I played with the Wii. Oh, how we love that game system! We are both highly competitive, which makes for some real fun and plenty of cursing. We usually run through all the sports games except the boxing. Since the system scores each player and keeps tabs (pushing each to achieve "pro" status), it's all the more exciting. Thankfully, the gaming systems are all set up in the basement and the bedrooms are a full two floors above that, so the kids can't hear us down there playing. It's noteworthy that the games are in the basement, away from sensitive ears because we tend to get caught up in the game and shout such expletives as "COCK SUCKER!" or "SHIT!" (you get the idea.)

Bowling was our first love, and I used to win every time. At some point, however, hubby figured it out and started kicking bootay. He figured out how to score a strike 3/4 of the time. It really burns my hide! I so hate to lose. He in fact beats me at least as much as I beat him at all of the games except golf.

That knowledge is truly a gem, given the fact that he has played golf in real life since he was a young boy, and is good at it. I, on the other hand, stick to goofy golf. In my mind the only fun or pleasant part of a real golf course is driving around the cart and drinking tons of beer. Those holes are much more fun and interesting with a nice buzz. Wii golf, though, is aparently my forte, and i can par like a pro.

Tennis is a tough one. Each player has two "mii"s on his/her team, hitting the ball back (or missing it, whatever the case may be). We were both breathing hard and sweating during the tennis matches. We played best of 5 games twice. We each won a game.

And then there is baseball. With two players, one "pitches" while the other "bats." No small feat when you're doing both with a "wiimote." But last night the planets must have been in allignment, because I was kicking some serious wii ass.

All told, I beat him in 4 out of the 5 games we played: bowling, golf, 1 of 2 tennis games and baseball. Maybe some of the crap I started leaking yesterday has lightened my load. That's a good thing. No, that's a great thing.

While in these days of quiet desperation
As I wander through the world in which I live
I search everywhere for some new inspiration
But it's more than cold reality can give
If I need a cause for celebration
Or a comfort I can use to ease my mind
I rely on my imagination
And I dream of an imaginary time

Everybody Has a Dream - Billy Joel